There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You are a genius and a whore.
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