I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
