So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
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All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
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note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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