Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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