So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
