I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
