I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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