I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
