It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
