Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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