Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
