Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
