I didn't shave. On purpose
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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