R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Randomize
