he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
