does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
