last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
