It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
