I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
