I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
