the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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