I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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