all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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