I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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