Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
