____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
