Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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