Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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