i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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