doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
