Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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