I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
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WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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