I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
