At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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