Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
