Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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