wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
