areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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