Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
