I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
