hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize