yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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