You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
