I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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