Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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