mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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