If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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