They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
there is puke in my bra ... again
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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