Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Bring me that man meat
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have aggressive nipples.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
