so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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