Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
