We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
