i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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