I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
