please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
