would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
