I faked an abortion last night.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
