I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
