There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
