Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
