my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
