I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
