Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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