I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
