Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
