she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
