my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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