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Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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