I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
