Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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