im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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