How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
