Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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