The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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