You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
