then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
